A promise I made to myself
by veronique2
Summary: In book 1 Katniss said she wanted at times to thank Peeta for the bread but never succeed. Here is the story of her multiples failures in that matter.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note : Hi, i'm french and this is my first Hunger games fanfiction. I tried by mes best and I hope you'll enjoy it. I don't have a beta so please be aware , english is not my native language . I hope my characters won't be too much OCC.

Disclaimer : Hunger games don't belong to me . it belongs to Suzanne Collins .

Summary : In book 1 , Katniss said she tried to thank Peeta for the bread but never succeed to do it. Here is the story of her multiples failures about it.

Chaper one.

13 years old Katniss' pov.

Yesterday was the reaping day. I went to hunt early this morning. I 'm not in a good mood because even if I 'm "safe" now, in district 12, another girl and boy weren't so lucky. It 's not the only reason for my bad mood. Last year after my first reaping day, I made a promise to myself:

"Next year, if we both survive the reaping day. I 'll have to thank him for the bread " "_Him" is Peeta Mellark._

I sigh. A very simple promise. Yet a very complicated one, when you are a non social girl like me . But since I don't like to have debts and my father always taught me to be polite here I am, waiting for him, outside of our school. I know he is still inside because each Monday, he goes to the painting club. In ten minutes, he 'll be here. I start to feel nervous as hell just as the thought . I have no choice anyway. There are no better moment to talk to him because , he always comes back at his home alone since none of his friends are into painting, it seems.

I'm sitting on a park bench , few meters away from the main school door. I'm angry with myself. Really it shouldn't be such a big deal. Just " thank you for the bread you gave me last year , bye " . The ten minutes goes by so fast and here he is on his approach to the door. He is going to see I'm here in a few seconds. I gulped. My heart is starting to race a little faster than usual and I'm really mad at this organ right now. Because seriously like I said it's not a big deal. I start to feel like when I'm in a hunt but , I'm not the hunter here, I feel more like the pray. He spotted me. Now I'm sure because he is looking at me . He seems confused. This is ridiculous. He probably has no idea who I am and why I'm here. He surely forgot. I notice he is walking toward me very slowly and unsure. Maybe I should wave at him? Then I wave in his direction. Now I can see the surprise in his incredible blue eyes. He seems to walk faster now and then, suddenly he is adressing me a dazzling smile . That smile scared me to death . One word : Panic. "I'm not ready" I thought. I need an escape very quick. I glance here and there I Can't believe it when I spot Gale who is with his friends exiting from an house.

"Gale " I scream . I stand up quickly and run toward him and his friends. I 'm safe now .I quickly glanced back at Peeta. I shouldn't have. He looks shocked. But he is not the only one being shocked by my behaviour. Gale 's eyes are wide open. Usually I stay away from him when he is with his friends.

" Catnip?" He says with surprise.

"Hey Gale, I just wanted to say hi " Oh my , I feel so bad right now for Peeta. Did I just looked like I humiliated him?

Gale starts to introduce me to his friends. But I barely pay attention to their names. I'm so ashamed for being a coward. Why the hell did I panicked? Peeta Mellark was no threat to me. I own him my life and my family's life as well. I'm a true moron sometimes.

The next day I wasn't surprised to understand that Peeta Mellark was avoiding me like I was the worst creature in the world. Next year, I promised to myself, after the reaping day if we both survived it. I'll give it a try again.

End of chapter 1

Bonus Peeta 's pov.

What an horrible day it was for me. I lay down on my bed unable to find sleep. I was really stupid to think she was waiting for me and waving at me. Of course she was waiting for the Hawthorne 's boy and waving at him. I sigh deeply. I sure looked like a moron . What an humiliation.

I will never forgive me for that day. The day I threw her the breads. I should have give it to her , no, I was too scared about my mother, so I threw it at her like she was a pig. She has every reason to ignore me or look away when I'm looking at her. I'm the worst seriously. Tomorrow I will make myself invisible to her I don't want her to hate me more than she is already.

Hope you liked it.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note : Thank you very much to the people who sent me review ^^.

Here is the second chapter. I hope you will like it.

Chapter 2

14 years old Katniss pov.

Yesterday was the reaping day. I'm still in the district 12. "safe " as always and so is Peeta Mellark. It's now the time for me to keep the promise I made to myself two years ago. I have to thank Peeta for the breads and this time I planned it all to be sure it will be done perfectely.

Months before the reaping day , my mother told me a secret. She worked a lot and saved some money. Not so much of course, but enough to buy a little cake for Prim and I . I think it was her way to say she was sorry for the way she had been after our father's death. At first, I wasn't agree with her. I thought the money she saved was precious, too precious to waste it on a priceless little cake. But she argued and said that Prim wanted one since so long and I surrended at the idea . Prim dreamed about the bakery's cakes since she was pratically born. Mother told me, she intented to buy it after the reaping day. I suddenly had an idea and started to achieve a strategy.

First, since I wanted to talk to Peeta alone. I didn't want any witness. It took me weeks of spying the Mellark's family habits about their backery to learn one thing.

Each Monday morning between 7am and 8 am, Peeta was in charge of the counter. It was his job to be there , before school . Another important detailled that I noticed was, during this hour , they barely had customers. Peeta always looked bore to death and yawning a lot. Then I convinced my mother to let me buy the cake, next Monday after the reaping day. She looked surprised. She knew I didn't like to go at the merchant's places too much. She accepted but told me, she will put a condition to it but didn't say what it was at the time. I agreed after I made sure I was going to buy it alone.

When I think about it today, I'm proud of myself. Tomorrow morning , before school starts I'll go to the bakery. I had an hard time to fall asleep because I still remembered my big failure from the last year and how I panicked and humiliated him.

My mother wakes me up very early. I feel so tired. Then to my surprise, I understand it's only 5am. I'm in shock it 's way too early.

" Mom, you kidding me, it's 5 am! I still have time "

"No" she said " You need to prepare yourself"

I 'm not fully awake when I see it. The dress in her hands. " I 'm going to do something with your hair too. I want you to be pretty."

" What? No! "

" We had an agreement " she states.

"But mom, I don't need to be dressed like that and… it's the morning , there are nobody in the streets and " She interrupts me.

" I have my reasons, you are going to buy a cake, you are going to enter the bakery , I want my daughter to look like a pretty girl for once and a well educated one. You understand me. "

Do I have a choice? Nope. I 'm really angry with myself. Next time I will make a deal , I'll make sure to know what the deal is about.

Here I 'am , reluctantely watching myself at the mirror. My mother is happy. I'm not at all. The dress is nice , I have to admit, it belonged to my mother . She obviously made some adjustements for it to fit my size.

On my way , to the bakery, I feel uncomfortable . I think Peeta will think that I dressed myself so nicely to thank him. Like I put an extra effort to look pretty to him. I sigh. The closer I get to the bakery , the more I feel tense. Not again. I thought. I took so much time to prepare it all.

It's not a big deal I repeat to myself. All I have to do is to choose a cake, to pay and add " by the way thank you for the breads you gave me two years ago bye ".

Really easy. In a few meters , I'll open the door. I breathe in and out to calm myself and curse the dress I' m wearing. And then here I'am , opening the door and my heart is beating. Franckly I hate that organ.

"Welcome " I hear . Something is wrong , the voice is not the one I expect. I raise my eyes who were until now looking at the floor. What a bad luck. I thought. Peeta isn't there. It's his older brother. He is smiling at me with curiosity. I feel relieved and dissappointed at the same time.

"I "m here to choose a cake " I say coldly.

" Of course you are, take your time " he offers. Well since he proposed. I decide to take some times maybe he is just here instead of Peeta but soon Peeta will arrive to replace him. Damn, all theses weeks of spying for nothing. Minutes goes by I'm watching the cakes that are on display like I'm in a musuem. Still no sign of Peeta.

Peeta's brother is yawning.

" Do you want some help?"

"No, I can choose by myself " my voice is like ice now. Because I 'm so mad. Why he isn't here yet. I'll kill him. All the works, the courage I needed to be here and he isn't here.

How many minutes had passed? I glance to the clock. Oh my ! I'm here since 15 minutes already. Peeta's brother seems to notice too.

" Waiting for someone ? " He asks

" Can I choose my cake without being disturb all the time " I answer with anger.

He is rolling his eyes now. " Five more minutes " I tell to myself. He has to come to replace his brother. He has too. I repeat to myself.

The five minutes passed and no sign of Peeta Mellark. Why?. I ask to myself. I'll have to go now I can't stay here all hour long. I thought.

I start to watch the cake with more interest , I have to pick one now.

Someone enters the bakery. Peeta's brother smile " Welcome Delly" He says

" Where's Peeta ?" She asks.

"Yeah where's Peeta? I thought.

I glance at the brother. He looks embarassed.

"Oh Delly , Peeta is sick, he ll be sick for the entire week" he says.

" I see" Delly says. They seems to exchange a knowing a look but I 'm too shocked with the news and I find myself literally run away from the backery.

I'm really devastated. All of this for nothing. Really. Then I hear a knowing voice.

" Catnip? What are you doing here? In front of the bakery and in a dress! "

Gale. What a surprise

" What are you doing here?" I ask. I hope my face doesn't betray something in particular but I doubt.

" I went to see the baker' to trade a squirrel "

"Oh and you? You were in the bakery"

I nod " Yes, my mother gave me some money to buy a cake for Prim and I. She worked hard for it "

Gale 's eyes grows wide .

" Where is your cake?" he asks.

"Damn! The cake " I thought. I completely forgot about the cake when I exited like a storm after I learned about Peeta's health issue.

" I had a hard time to decide " I feel so stupid right now.

"Huh?" Want me to help you to choose?" He proposes.

I nod.

One minute later, we enters the bakery. Peeta's brother looked at me with a confused expression. He must think I'm insane. After all, I spent almost 25 minutes staring at the cakes and then I stormed out of the bakery without reason.

He smirks at me.

"Oh I see, you indeed was waiting for someone " he says.

Gale looked at me " What?"

I shrug, " I don't know.."

Finally I choose the cake , I pay .

Once back at my home with Gale, I change myself and I'm ready to school. I feel exhausted already and the day is just beginning.

End of chapter 2

Bonus Peeta's pov.

My brother entered my room. He sigh.

" Are you feeling better? " he asks.

I shrug. I didn't care about the bruises and the physical pain. The real unbearable suffering is the one that my heart is enduring each time my mother beats me . I bite my lips. It was my fault. I should have checked everything was perfectely tidy up in my room.. I know how mom is . I can't believe I didn't see the sock on the floor near my bed.

" You 'll never guess who came to the bakery this morning " he says.

"Who" I ask without really wanted ot know because frankly, now I want to be alone.

"Katniss Everdeen "

Okay, I probably hear it wrong . I have to ask again

"Who?" I say .

My brother seems surprise.

" Katniss Everdeen " he repeated " She was wearing a used but still nice dress . She looked very pretty . I have to admit" " She bought a cheap cake "

"Great, I thought, It has to be the day when I'm not at my shift , for her to decide to come to buy one of our cakes. I'm cursed really.

" She was staring blankly at the cakes nearly 20 minutes. At one point , I thought she was waiting for you to come ".

My heart skips a beat.

I don't say anyting. I don't want my brother to know.

" She stormed out of the bakery after learning you were sick. Without buying a cake, it was crazy really."

" You told her, I was sick?" I ask it like it is bothering me.

" Nope, Delly passed by and I told her"

My heart begins to race at full speed. Hope , joy. Happiness, exictement. I hope my brother doesn't notice.

My brother smirks.

"But I was wrong, Because one minute later, she came back with Gale Hawthorne. I wasn't wrong she was in indeed wating for someone . But obviously it wasn't you. " He is laughing now.

My heart sinks . But I know better than to show my sadness to my brother. When you live in a family like mine. . You have to be extra careful. He was testing me.

" And? " I ask, like nothing was affecting me.

" Nothing , I just wanted to tell you."

" Well if you have nothing more interesting to tell about your life… That's your problem, not mine "

He is pissed now . I can tell. He leaves.

I sigh. I feel really empty right now.

END OF CHAPTER 2

It was longer than I thought. I hope you enjoy it.


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